A Maniacal Manicure
by Franziska von Dork
Summary: What if Kristoph Gavin had a different motive for all the things he's done? He's not crazy, just a little unwell... WARNING: Major AJ spoilers! Rated for utter insanity.


**(DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, not even this computer I'm typing on. Props to Capcom and Dell Computers Inc.! **

**WARNING: Reading this story may result in loss of brain cells. That is all the disclaimers, I hope. Please, don't sue **

**me. )**

It all started in law school. It was Kristoph Gavin's first day, and he was ready. He had picked out the perfect outfit, the

perfect equipment, and stayed up for 3 hours last night perfecting his nails. The day would go perfectly. He couldn't help

but feel excited. He confidently strode down the hallway, prepared to take on the world. Until… tragedy struck. "Call the

fashion police!" someone shouted as a young man dressed in the most ridiculous pink sweater came bumbling down the

hall. Kristoph was reaching for the door handle to his first class when the kid ran into him. All of Kristoph's books and

papers were scattered everywhere. "Ooops, sorry! Heh heh…" The pink-shirted kid rubbed the back of his head nervously.

(It was miraculous he wasn't injured, considering the spikiness of his hair.) "That's… quite alright," Kristoph said, touching

his glasses as he always did when he was angry. And when he was bringing his hand down, he realized something.

"No…" Kristoph's head spun. _How could this happen? My perfect day… _"YOU BROKE MY NAIL!" Kristoph shrieked at the pink

guy. His blond hair flew back as he screamed in fury. "Oh… oops!" The spiky-haired kid said, grinning his happy-go-lucky

grin.

Kristoph regained his composure almost immediately. "Oh, that's fine," he said, tilting his head to the side as he smiled.

"I'm glad we could have this little tête-à-tête, Mr…?" The spiky pink boy grinned. "Oh, my name is Phoenix! Phoenix

Wright!" Kristoph grinned evilly. "Mr. Wright. Yes. I'll remember you." Phoenix grinned again. "OK! Do you want to sit with

me in class?" Kristoph smiled gently, light reflecting off his glasses. "I'd be delighted."

* * *

The year was 2019. It was the middle of April, and Kristoph Gavin was strolling merrily on his way to the Detention

Center. The renowned Zak Gramarye had requested his defense in the murder of his mentor, Magnifi. Kristoph would win t

his case, and he would be famous. Yes, it was a perfect opportunity, a perfect chance to show the world how great and

perfect Kristoph Gavin was. This was a perfect day.

"Hello. I'm Defense Attorney Gavin, here to see my client, Zak Gramarye." The guard went into a room and brought

out the magician. "Mr. Gavin!" the pink-clad man shouted. _What is it with all the men wearing pink?_ Kristoph pondered to

himself. "Ah, Mr. Zak. Good evening. I would like to thank you for choosing Gavin Law Offices to represent you in the trial-"

"I thought I hired an attorney, not an infomercial," interrupted Zak most rudely. Kristoph's feelings were a bit hurt. "Er,

yes. I apologize. Now if you'll just sign these papers regarding our attorney/client relationship-" "No. The paperwork

comes later. Now, we play poker." "Poker…?" Kristoph was taken aback.

"You heard me, Mr. Gavin," said the magician as he pulled a deck of cards from his sleeve. "I don't know how to play

poker," Kristoph said. "Bah! And you call yourself a lawyer? How can they have let you pass the bar exam?" Kristoph was

at a loss for words. "Oh, never mind." Zak sighed. "I'll call the Poker Head of Courtroom Number 3 to come instruct you!"

Zak pulled a cell phone from behind Kristoph's ear. _Now this guy's a real Houdini, _Kristoph thought sarcastically. The pink-

cloaked magic man dialed a number, and in a minute, the Judge appeared.

"Never fear for I am here!" He shouted, beard fluttering heroically in the wind. "Hello, Your Honor," Kristoph greeted him.

"Shh! By day, I am known as The Judge, but by night, I am known as…" The Judge hummed a fanfare. "The Poker Head of

Courtroom Number 3!" _Isn't it poker face?_ Kristoph thought. "I shall now teach you the art of poker!" And with that, The

Judge told Kristoph everything about poker.

"Finally, we can start our game, Mr. Gavin." Zak dealt the cards, and Kristoph picked up his hand. _Snapplecakes!_ Kristoph

thought._ This hand sucks._ "I fold!" he shouted, slamming his cards down on the table. "No…" The room spun. Kristoph

looked down at his hand, and of course… he had broken a nail. "NOOOOOO! My…perfect…nails… I swear I'll get my

revenge, Zak Gramarye… You'll rue the day!" Kristoph ran out of the Detention Center, tears flowing from his eyes. "Fine!"

called Zak. "I'll have Phoenix Wright defend me!" _Phoenix…Wright. I haven't forgotten law school, Wright. And I won't forget _

_you either, Zak Gramarye._

* * *

The year was 2026. Phoenix Wright's life had been perfectly ruined, and Zak Gramarye was perfectly dead. Kristoph

had finally gotten his perfect revenge… and he had imperfectly been thrown in jail. The good side of being in jail is that he

could paint his nails all day and all night. This is what he was doing when the guard came to get him in his cell. "La la la,"

Kristoph hummed to himself as he perfectly painted his pretty perfect nails.

"Prisoner Kristoph Gavin?" called the guard. "Yes?" "You have been summoned as a special witness in a trial." Kristoph

frowned as he put his nail polish away. "Oh, alright," he whined. He was led in handcuffs to the Courthouse. "Yada yada

yada," said Klavier. "YADA YADA YADA!" shouted Apollo Justice with his Chords of Steel. "We know you killed someone,

etc., etc." The typical thing he heard nowadays. _Calling me here for something as pointless as this? I could be painting my _

_nails! I HATE EVERYONE!! _He pounded his fist on the witness stand.

"Madame Foreperson, has the jury reviewed this case to the best of your abilities?" asked the Judge. _I didn't know _

_the Judge knew such large words, _thought Kristoph. "We have, Your Honor." "And have you beached… er, no, reached a

verdict?" _Figures, he's reading a script. _"We find the defendant, Vera Misham, Not Guilty." _Blah blah blah, can I go back to my _

_cell now? I've got to paint my…no. NO! NOOOOOOO!!_ "MWAHAHAHAHA!" Kristoph laughed insanely. He had finally lost his

mind.

When he had pounded the witness stand… he had broken a nail.

**(Author's Note: So, I was sitting typing an actual Gavin story which I hope to finish and publish soon, when I broke a nail and I was inspired to write this monstrosity. If you made it all the way through, you deserve a cookie, and to submit a review! Please take note that I was severely under the influence of caffeine when I wrote this! Thanks for reading! gives you a cookie makes you submit a review )**


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